The Adventures of Berlioz Kitteh

We have now met the dogguh twice. Our hoomans put us inside our tiny cave, and the dogguh whiffles at us while we watch it carefully. It is not amused. We are, however, amused. We want to play with the large furry dogguh, but Mama says we must wear caps on our claws first because the dogguh is old and has no teeth. We do not wish to scratch the dogguh, we wish to play. But Mama says that our play could hurt the dogguh. What an unintelligent creature, to not be able to play propurrly! The dogguh is bored by our presence. It is more interested in Uncle's feet, than in our adorableness. We fear that the dogguh is, indeed, rather feeble-minded. When we can meet the dogguh whisker-to-whisker, we will make sure that the dogguh understands how purrfect we are. Purrhaps it cannot see our magnificence through t he door of our tiny cave. We, however, do not hold much hope for the intelligence of Dogguh. We think that it is, indeed, simply incapable of propurrly appreciating the amazingness t...

We are now 10 weeks old. We have lived with our hoomans for 3 whole weeks now, and have been practicing climbing and taking flying leaps at our teaser-cloud toy. Today Mama brought us a big grey furry thing. She says it is a tree. We think purrhaps she does not know what a tree looks like, but it does look like fun. There are scratchy places, napping places, and climbing places... and she says it is all for us. Mama put our toys all over it, and Seanmhair placed our toy basket under it, but we were not sure about this not-a-tree at first. We sniffed at it and we poked at it, but we did not know what it was. So Mama showed us how to climb about on it, using our mouse-toy to tempt us from one place to another. THEN it was fun. We are still not quite sure about this not-a-tree and we think that purrhaps the hammock bit is a scary kitteh-eating monster even though Mama says we will like it, but we think we like our not-a-tree. Cuddle Bunny says that the house makes a cozy place...

We do not understand hoomans. We bathe ourselves several dozen times every day, yet the hoomans thought that they needed to wash us themselves. We were sitting, minding our own business playing with our cuddle bunny when Mama and Seanmhair scooped us up and carried us into a tiny room where they set us into a blue thing full of water! We tried to tell them we were not happy, and we tried to escape, but Seanmhair did not let us go while Mama rubbed our fur all the wrong way, with slippery goo. We cried oh so piteously, but they would not be moved. But we did not bite, and we did not scratch! Oh no, we were a purrfect gentlekitteh while they rubbed the goo ALL OVER OUR BODY!!! Then we were doused with even MORE water, and rubbed the wrong way AGAIN... but still, we were a gentlekitteh and did not bite or scratch our dear Mama nor our sweet Seanmhair. And while they were doing this Fun Uncle was in our room with a hissing monster, giving it a walk across the floor and the monster gobbled ...

Our hoomans have said that it is a celebration day. We do not know what they are doing, but it sounds as if they are being tortured with much screeching and hollering and sounds of water splashing in the big scary out-side. They are eating things that smell like birdies that Mama says are not birdies, and pineapples. Seanmhair is ever so excited about something called cake... and Fun Uncle is happy because there are beep beep noises coming from the other side of my wall. Hoomans are strange creatures. They tell us it is Christmas in July. We do not know what that means, but they have brought us new toys to play with so it must be something good. We like our new pineapple and cactus, but Snuggle Bunny is still our favorite. We are told that the dogguh also has a new toy. Since the dogguh is not feeling well, we have not met it yet. But we shall share pictures of the dogguh since it is a special day and we are feeling generous.  We are celebrating.

We are now 9 weeks old, and have lived with our hoomans for two whole weeks. We have a new toy; it is a basket. Seanmhair says it is for us to put our toys into, but we must remember that Seanmhair is old and should be humoured. The basket IS a toy. We like to run around it with our claws, play pull-the-toys-out-faster-than-the-hoomans-can-put-them-in, and take comfortable catnaps in it. Sometimes we like to purrtend we are Smaug the great dragon, and climb atop our hoard to purrtect it from thieving hobbits. We are not quite sure what a hobbit looks like, but if one tries to take our toys we will be ready for them. Yesterday we learned a not-fun lesson. We thought we might like to snuggle up and nap with our hoomans, rather than eat or play. Seanmhair did not mind when we did this in the morning, and said it must be because of our zoomies from last night. When we did not eat our lunch or play in the after-noon, Mama said we would need to return to the land of Veh-tuh. We did not mind...