The Adventures of Berlioz Kitteh

We have now met the dogguh twice. Our hoomans put us inside our tiny cave, and the dogguh whiffles at us while we watch it carefully. It is not amused. We are, however, amused. We want to play with the large furry dogguh, but Mama says we must wear caps on our claws first because the dogguh is old and has no teeth. We do not wish to scratch the dogguh, we wish to play. But Mama says that our play could hurt the dogguh. What an unintelligent creature, to not be able to play propurrly! The dogguh is bored by our presence. It is more interested in Uncle's feet, than in our adorableness. We fear that the dogguh is, indeed, rather feeble-minded. When we can meet the dogguh whisker-to-whisker, we will make sure that the dogguh understands how purrfect we are. Purrhaps it cannot see our magnificence through t he door of our tiny cave. We, however, do not hold much hope for the intelligence of Dogguh. We think that it is, indeed, simply incapable of propurrly appreciating the amazingness t...

We are now 10 weeks old. We have lived with our hoomans for 3 whole weeks now, and have been practicing climbing and taking flying leaps at our teaser-cloud toy. Today Mama brought us a big grey furry thing. She says it is a tree. We think purrhaps she does not know what a tree looks like, but it does look like fun. There are scratchy places, napping places, and climbing places... and she says it is all for us. Mama put our toys all over it, and Seanmhair placed our toy basket under it, but we were not sure about this not-a-tree at first. We sniffed at it and we poked at it, but we did not know what it was. So Mama showed us how to climb about on it, using our mouse-toy to tempt us from one place to another. THEN it was fun. We are still not quite sure about this not-a-tree and we think that purrhaps the hammock bit is a scary kitteh-eating monster even though Mama says we will like it, but we think we like our not-a-tree. Cuddle Bunny says that the house makes a cozy place...

We do not understand hoomans. We bathe ourselves several dozen times every day, yet the hoomans thought that they needed to wash us themselves. We were sitting, minding our own business playing with our cuddle bunny when Mama and Seanmhair scooped us up and carried us into a tiny room where they set us into a blue thing full of water! We tried to tell them we were not happy, and we tried to escape, but Seanmhair did not let us go while Mama rubbed our fur all the wrong way, with slippery goo. We cried oh so piteously, but they would not be moved. But we did not bite, and we did not scratch! Oh no, we were a purrfect gentlekitteh while they rubbed the goo ALL OVER OUR BODY!!! Then we were doused with even MORE water, and rubbed the wrong way AGAIN... but still, we were a gentlekitteh and did not bite or scratch our dear Mama nor our sweet Seanmhair. And while they were doing this Fun Uncle was in our room with a hissing monster, giving it a walk across the floor and the monster gobbled ...

Our hoomans have said that it is a celebration day. We do not know what they are doing, but it sounds as if they are being tortured with much screeching and hollering and sounds of water splashing in the big scary out-side. They are eating things that smell like birdies that Mama says are not birdies, and pineapples. Seanmhair is ever so excited about something called cake... and Fun Uncle is happy because there are beep beep noises coming from the other side of my wall. Hoomans are strange creatures. They tell us it is Christmas in July. We do not know what that means, but they have brought us new toys to play with so it must be something good. We like our new pineapple and cactus, but Snuggle Bunny is still our favorite. We are told that the dogguh also has a new toy. Since the dogguh is not feeling well, we have not met it yet. But we shall share pictures of the dogguh since it is a special day and we are feeling generous.  We are celebrating.

We are now 9 weeks old, and have lived with our hoomans for two whole weeks. We have a new toy; it is a basket. Seanmhair says it is for us to put our toys into, but we must remember that Seanmhair is old and should be humoured. The basket IS a toy. We like to run around it with our claws, play pull-the-toys-out-faster-than-the-hoomans-can-put-them-in, and take comfortable catnaps in it. Sometimes we like to purrtend we are Smaug the great dragon, and climb atop our hoard to purrtect it from thieving hobbits. We are not quite sure what a hobbit looks like, but if one tries to take our toys we will be ready for them. Yesterday we learned a not-fun lesson. We thought we might like to snuggle up and nap with our hoomans, rather than eat or play. Seanmhair did not mind when we did this in the morning, and said it must be because of our zoomies from last night. When we did not eat our lunch or play in the after-noon, Mama said we would need to return to the land of Veh-tuh. We did not mind...

Mama is a writer. Mama has already written one book, and is writing two more. They are not about kittehs, they are about hoomans and dangerous adventures. We would like to help Mama become famous, so we are sharing where other hoomans can find her first book. It is HERE in the land of Am-uh-zonn. Mama started to write her third book the week we moved in. We like to pounce on her long toe beans as they tappity tap, and climb on her shoulders like a pirate-parrot. She does not understand that we are trying to help her tappity tap faster, and oversee her writing for edits... she says we are not helping. We try to curl up in her lap and stare adoringly at her to give her inspurration, but she says we are distracting. Mama does not appreciate our efforts. Mama also writes on a Blah-guh, just like us. She DID write about the cutest and most majestic of kittehs, because she wrote about us! If a hooman wanted to read what Mama thinks of us in her own words and see even more photos of our ador...

Our hooman Seanmhair says that months are important in the life of a kitteh. We think that every day is important to Aristocatic kittehs, but if Seanmhair wishes to make a fuss over us we will not object. We have allowed Seanmhair to add photos of our adorable kittehness to our blah-guh today, so she will be happy and continue to make a fuss over ourselves. We are obliging.

We are now 8 weeks old. We have lived with our hoomans for one full week. The hoomans have loved us, adored us, and showered us with gifts and soft places to curl up. Our favorite toy is our cuddle-bunny. He is fun to nibble, toss, catch, and kick. We try to hunt cuddle-bunny, but he is not very fast because we catch him every single time. Still, one cannot complain too much as cuddle-bunny is oh so fun to nap with and does not wriggle around as we are trying to sleep. We also have a new bow-tie with a fun jingly-bell, but we are too tiny for it to fit propurrly so Mama says we must wait to be able to wear it. We can NOT wait, because bow-ties are cool! We love the food our hoomans offer us. They offer us kitteh milk which we gulp as quickly as possible... which gives us hiccups, but we do not care because it is ever so yummy. They offer us kibble-nibbles that we enjoy batting about the floor so we can pounce upon them, before crunching them as loudly as kittenly possible.  And the...

We are Berlioz Kitteh. We were born under a house, and our mother left us when we were 7 weeks old. It was cold, we were alone, and we were scared. But then a tall hooman saw us shivering in the flowers, and brought two more hoomans to see us. The hoomans tried to catch us for many hours, but we were afraid and faster than they. It was only the irresistible smell of tasty fishies that forced us to allow the hoomans to pick us up. They brought us into our new home, and would you believe they tried to GIVE US AWAY??? We cannot be given away. We are in charge of our own self, so we decided to show the hoomans exactly how purrfect we are, and how sorry their lives would be without us with many rumble-purrs and nuzzles. It took us six whole days, but eventually the hoomans understood how purrfect we are, and have finally accepted their propurr role in life as our purrpetual admirers. Our hoomans are: Mama the Amazing, who loves to nuzzle us and show us movies. Mama the Amazing is trying to ...